


Heroine in Cream and Blue

by Ember_Keelty



Category: Futari wa Pretty Cure Splash Star, プリキュア | PreCure | Pretty Cure Series
Genre: Agender Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 07:04:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1931247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ember_Keelty/pseuds/Ember_Keelty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-series, Kaoru goes searching for her identity as an artist and stumbles across some other types of identities along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroine in Cream and Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rubyroth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyroth/gifts).



            Kaoru arrived in the art room after class on the first day of school to find Mai already hard at work — though not, for once, on a drawing or painting. The new art club president had pulled all the desks into a line running down the center of the room, and was now withdrawing a variety of objects from the cabinets — seashells, teacups, vases with cloth flowers, glass bowls with wax fruit — and arranging them on top. "What are you doing?" Kaoru asked her. When Mai didn't seem to hear her, she asked a second time, more loudly.

            Mai started and looked at her. "Kaoru-san? What's wrong?"

            "Nothing is wrong. I was just wondering what all of those knick knacks are for."

            "Oh." Mai smiled sweetly and scratched her neck. "Um, just so you know, when you shout things like ' _What are you doing?!_ ' at people, it tends to alarm them."

            "Alarm them?" Kaoru thought about it for a moment and saw how that made sense. "Noted. Sorry."

            "It's fine! It was just me this time, and I know how you can be a little... Anyway! To answer your question, I'm setting up the subject for today's group draw. I thought it made sense to start out with some still life."

            "What is 'still life'?"

            "It means drawing or painting small, everyday objects, like these." Mai nodded toward the arrangement of bric-a-brac she was working on.

            "I see." That sounded awfully pointless, but Mai was an excellent artist with a wonderful eye for beauty, so Kaoru trusted whatever she suggested. "Did you have fun with Saki yesterday?"

            "What?" Mai started again, even though Kaoru hadn't spoken loudly at all this time. "Why do you ask?"

            "Because you asked Michiru and me whether it would be all right if the two of you went somewhere alone yesterday. Where did you go? And did you have fun?" Kaoru hoped she wasn't saying anything wrong. She was fairly sure that this sort of thing qualified as pleasant small talk, but Mai's reaction worried her a little.

            "Lots of places, actually. We took a ride on the train, and visited the cabbage fields, and ended up having a picnic under the Sky Tree. It... it was really nice." Even though she said that, she had a pensive look on her face as she spoke.

            "Then why do you sound sad? Did something go wrong?"

            "No!" Mai shook her head vehemently. "I'm not sad at all! It went well — just the way I expected it would, really. Saki is fairly predictable."

            Kaoru thought for a moment of the energetic, brash girl who had responded to her declaring her intent to destroy her with: _"Even if you say that, I still feel like we're friends."_ "I don't find her predictable at all."

            "Really? Well, maybe you will when you've known her for a little longer. Oh! Excuse me, please. I'd better get busy." More students were filing into the room. Mai hurriedly finished her arrangement, then went around to meet each of the new club members and help them set up their easels or locate the supplies they'd need. Once the whole club had gathered, she moved to the center of the room and addressed them all at once.

            "Um, hello everyone," she said. "I'm Mishou Mai, third year, and I am the art club president. To be honest, it was a bit of a shock when I was elected." It really shouldn't have been, Kaoru thought. Mai was undoubtedly one of the most talented and accomplished artists in the club, and besides that, she was kind and thoughtful and good with people. "But! I promise I'll do my best to help everyone have fun and grow as artists this year. I'm sure many of you already know this, but one of the best ways to improve your art is to draw from life as often as possible. That's why, for our first group draw, I thought we could do some charcoal-sketch still life. The idea is to draw something exactly the way you see it in front of you, not what you _think_ of a seashell or a teapot as looking like.   Where you see a line you draw a line, and where you see a curve you draw a curve. Where you see shadow you shade, and where you see light you don't. So, everyone, please pick an object or cluster of objects, and draw it the way it looks to _you_. If you need any help or have any questions, please feel free to ask me, and I'll do what I can!" She gave a brief but deep bow, then went to her own easel and began to draw.

            Kaoru scanned the part of the display closest to her, and her eyes settled upon a pile of seashells. Looking at them gave her a comfortable feeling of familiarity, redolent of the beach by Gourd Rock. She studied them carefully, then began to draw. It took her a few strokes to get used to feel of the charcoal pencil, but soon she began to make real headway on her sketch.

            _That part angles like this. That line goes here. That curve runs up against that one like this._

"Try shading the shadows a little lighter," she overheard Mai say to another student. "That way you can distinguish darker shapes inside of them." That seemed obvious to Kaoru, but then, she supposed it was easy to make mistakes when doing something for the first time.

            _That line connects to that one. That shade of purple is about this dark. Right there the shell reflects the light like this..._

"Kaoru-san? Kaoru-san!" Kaoru started and looked over her shoulder to see Mai standing right behind her. The other girl laughed, soft and sweet. "I guess you're a little bit like me, Kaoru-san!"

            "I'm glad," said Kaoru, who couldn't think of a better person to be like.

            Mai examined her sketch. "Wow! You're a really quick learner. As expected from Kaoru-san."

            "Does it really look all right?" Kaoru asked.

            "It looks incredible! Most of it is almost photo-perfect. Keep up the hard work and you'll be an amazing artist in no time at all." Kaoru felt her face warm and her heart flutter, and quickly returned to her drawing before she could blurt out anything too embarrassing.

            Not long after Mai moved on, Kaoru finished rendering the shells. She considered starting another sketch, but a quick glance at the clock informed her that more time had passed than she'd realized, and the club meeting would soon be over. With that in mind, she sat back and evaluated her work. Just as Mai had said, it was an extremely accurate likeness, which she supposed meant she had met the goal of the exercise. Still, it was missing something. When she looked at the seashells themselves, she could vividly imagine the scent of ocean spray around Gourd Rock. Looking at her drawing of them produced no such sensation.

            Around the room, more and more people set their pencils down. Finally, Mai stood up and asked, "Is anyone not finished yet?" When no one spoke up, she continued, "All right, why doesn't everyone turn their easels around to face the center of the room so that we can all see each other's work?" Everyone did just that, and the room instantly became aflutter with appreciative chatter.

            "Mishou-san's fruit bowl looks amazing! Just as expected from the club president!"

            "I want to reach into her drawing and eat that pear."

            "But it's made of wax, Hatsue-chan."

            "Nope! The one on the table is made of wax, but the one in Mishou-san's drawing is _delicious_."

            "Look at Kiryuu-san's seashells! They're so real! I thought Kiryuu-san was a beginner."

            "My favorite is Hayashi-san's tea set. For a still life, it seems almost lively."

            "Oh, you're right! It looks so... rustic?"

            "I was thinking 'nostalgic'."

            "Yeah, that's it: nostalgic."

            Kaoru followed the gazes of those last speakers and saw the sketch they were talking about. Looking at it, her eye was drawn immediately to a small chip on the rim of the cup in the foreground. Something in her chest started to hurt a little as she gazed on that cup, but it was a strange kind of hurt: half a feeling she didn't want to have to bear, like most pain, but also half a feeling she wanted to savor.

            "Everything has a life of its own," said Mai, and all eyes turned to her. "People, plants, and animals, of course, but also natural and manmade objects — they all have their own hearts and their own histories. Today's exercise was about drawing what you see with your eyes, but Hayashi-san went further than that. She managed to capture something of the spirit of the her subject, which can't be seen with just the eyes."

            "Thank you, Mishou-san," Hayashi said, beaming. "Thank you, everyone!"

            _So it's the spirits of the shells that make them smell like the ocean?_ Kaoru wondered. She looked at them closely to try to get an idea of how she would go about drawing that, but couldn't come up with anything.

            She would just have to figure it out next time.

—

            The next meeting, Mai announced that they were doing portraits.

            "I think it would be a good way to get to know each other a little better!" she said. "Everyone pair up with someone you haven't talked to much before, and take turns drawing each other. I'll announce when it's time to switch. Please feel free to chat while you work! Again, focus on drawing what you see — but I think you'll find that getting to know your subjects will improve your portraits of them!"

            Kaoru didn't much like the idea of having to ask someone to pair up with her. She was about to go ask Mai if she couldn't just assign someone to her, when she heard a voice behind her say, "Kiryuu-san? Will you be my partner?"

            Kaoru turned around and saw the girl who had drawn the tea set last meeting. "I would like that very much," she said honestly. "Hayashi-san, isn't it?"

            "Hayashi Amami," she said. "Since we're drawing each other, you can call me Amami."

            "Then you can call me Kaoru-san," said Kaoru, who didn't much like the idea of a girl she'd just met dropping honorifics for her before Mai did.

            "All right, Kaoru-san! Do you want to draw me first, or the other way around?"

            "I'd prefer if you drew first. I feel like I might be able to learn from you."

            "Well, I'm not so sure about that... but all right!"

            Once they'd settled in — Amami at her easel, Kaoru in a chair with her hands folded in her lap — Amami asked, "So you were a transfer student last year, right? Where are you from?"

            "The Fountain of the Sky," said Kaoru.

            "That's quite a town name! I take it there's some kind of famous fountain there?"

            "Yes, a natural fountain. It's beautiful."

            "Maybe you can paint it someday!"

            "I would love to do that. But I'll have to get much better, first."

            "Well, that's what we're here for, right?"

            "Right."

            There was a long silence broken only by the scratch of pencil against paper, and then: "So what do your parents do?"

            "I don't have any parents," said Kaoru simply.

            "Oh." Amami cringed — nearly stabbing through her paper as she did so, judging by the loudness of her pencil clunking against the back of the easel. "Sorry. May I ask who you live with?"

            "I live with Michiru."

            "Your sister? The two of you live alone?"

            "Obviously we're not alone if there are two of us," Kaoru answered, irritated by the illogic.

            "But there are no adults? Do you live off an inheritance?"

            "I suppose so." When the spirits had insinuated her and Michiru into the world, they had done so as though the two of them had been born to it. They had their own small apartment and modest "inheritance" that, legally, had been left to them by guardians who never really existed.

            "Wow, sorry again! That was a really personal question, huh?"

            "I'm not sad about it," Kaoru assured her. "We never had a mother. Our father died recently, but he was never around even when he lived. Even without him, we're less lonely than we ever were before, because we've made friends here."

            "I... can't say I really understand that," Amami said slowly. "Every family is different I suppose, but... Well, my mom is a photojournalist who travels around the world, so she's also rarely home. But I would still be devastated if anything happened to her." Kaoru didn't answer, so she continued, "Sorry, I'm really prying hard, huh? But then I guess this exercise is sort of about prying. Here, I'll tell you some personal things about myself. I don't have a father. When I was younger, I used to live with my grandma at the teahouse she runs, but she passed away a few years ago, and ever since then it's mostly been just me in an empty apartment. That's why I'm trying to get out and do activities as much as possible. I've always sort of wished I had a twin sister like you do."

            "Your grandmother ran a teahouse?" Kaoru asked.

            "That's right."

            "Then maybe that was the feeling you put into your drawing last time," Kaoru mused. "That teacup in the foreground was broken, and that was sad, but there was also something happy about it, because it was full of warm memories of drinking tea. Is that right?"

            "Something like that, yeah!" Amami said, sounding surprised. "You're really perceptive, Kaoru-san."

            "Thank you. I hope that will make me a good artist."

            Amami continued drawing and the two of them continued chatting until Mai called out, "All, right everyone, we're about half-way through the meeting! It's time to switch!" Amami took her paper down from the easel, Kaoru set up a fresh blank one, and the two of them switched roles.

            "You said you wished you had a twin sister," Kaoru said to start the conversation back up. "Why a twin sister, specifically? Why not a younger sister like Minori, or an older brother like Kazuya?"

            "I just think it would be easiest relate to someone the same age and gender as myself."

            "Really? Does gender matter?"

            "Yeah, it matters a lot!" Amami looked taken aback. It was going to be difficult to get her face right if she kept changing expressions like that. "It's one of the most important parts of someone's identity, you know?"

            "It's not one of the most important parts of _my_ identity," Kaoru objected. "I'd be exactly the same person if I were a boy instead of a girl — only, I'd get to wear trousers to school."

            "Kaoru-san," Amami said carefully, "are you saying that you... you know... want to be a boy?"

            "Why would I want something like that?" Amami didn't answer, so Kaoru thought the question over and tried to answer it herself. The more she considered it though, the sillier it seemed. "I suppose if I could choose," she concluded finally, "I wouldn't have any gender at all. I would wear boys' trousers and girls' jackets all the time, and no one would ever treat me like the most important thing about me is something I don't care about."

            "You're an interesting person, Kaoru-san," Amami said, smiling.

            "Mm," Kaoru said, and traced out the exact curl of her lips.

            They didn't talk much after that; Kaoru soon became too caught up in her work to divide her attention away from it, and besides, talking made Amami move.

            When Mai called an end to the activity, the two of them showed each other their drawings. "Do I really look that scary?" was the first thing Kaoru asked of Amami's.

            "Not 'scary'!" Amami said quickly. "You're a little intense, that's all. I'm really sorry, I guess it's no good."

            "No, it's gorgeous," Kaoru said honestly. "Any fault is with the subject. Mine on the other hand..."

            "It looks exactly like me!" Amami said encouragingly.

            It did, in a sense — the same sense in which Kaoru's still life had looked "exactly like" the shells it was representing. In that case, though, the effect had just been slightly off. With a human subject, it was downright uncanny.   "You look like a zombie."

            "That's kind of insulting, Kaoru-san."

            "A very cute zombie," Kaoru assured her. "But a zombie. My art is lifeless. I'll never be able to paint the Fountain of the Sky this way."

            "Don't be so hard on yourself, Kaoru-san," said Mai, coming up beside her. "You've only just started learning."

            "But I'm supposed to learn _quickly_."

            "You are learning quickly. Your technical skill is growing at a rate I've never seen before."

            "But there isn't any feeling in it, is there?" Mai didn't answer. "I thought so. Maybe it's just impossible for me."

            "Why would it be impossible for you?" Mai asked. She was starting to sound a little alarmed.

            "Because if I can't pick something up near-instantly, maybe I'm just incapable of learning it."

            "Where would you get a messed up idea like _that_?" Amami interjected. Mai shot her a look, and she nodded her head and went somewhere else.

            "Kaoru-san, you've changed so much since I first met you. You know what I mean. Wasn't _that_ learning something gradually?"

            "I suppose," Kaoru conceded.

            "Everyone has things that come easy to them, and other things they have to work for. It can be difficult sometimes, but the harder you work for something, the sweeter it is when you finally manage it. Maybe art isn't important enough to you to be worth struggling for — and if so, that's fine, I'm sure you'll find something else that is! But if it is important to you, please don't give up on it when you've barely even started to try."

            "Mai..." Kaoru looked into her friend's earnestly concerned face and felt her stomach tighten. "Of course it's important to me. I've said it before: I want to draw things that make people smile with Mai. For that, I'd struggle to the end of the Earth."

            "Kaoru..." Mai's tight lips softened into a warm smile, and her lilac eyes seemed to shine. "I have to go talk to the other students now, but I promise I'll find a way to help you soon. Just remember: never give up!"

            "Never give up," Kaoru repeated, and found herself smiling too as Mai walked away.

—

            "Michiru, do you like being a girl?" Kaoru asked as she filleted and chopped the fish for that night's curry.

            "Hm?" Michiru looked over from where she was simmering the vegetables in the sauce. "Of course I do — girls are the best! Why, don't you?"

            "I really don't care."

            "So there's no problem, then?"

            "The only problem is other people caring more than I do. So could you not say things like 'girls are the best'?"

            "Ah. Sorry, Kaoru. Obviously you're always the best to me, whether you're a girl or not."

            Kaoru felt herself smile. "You are also the best, Michiru."

            Just then, the buzzer rang. Because Michiru was working over a hot stove, Kaoru said, "I'll get it," and went to open the door. Mai and Saki stood on the landing. They had both changed into their leisure clothes, but Mai was still carrying her schoolbag.

            "Hello, Mai. Hello, Saki," Kaoru greeted them.

            "Uh," was all that Saki had to say in answer.

            "Kaoru-san, are you cooking dinner?" Mai asked, an odd smile on her face.

            "Michiru is. I'm cutting things for her."

            "Oh, that's kind of cool! And it smells delicious. Is that curry?" Kaoru nodded. "Well, I hope you both enjoy it. And, um, just so you know, generally, it's not a good idea to answer the door with a great big knife in your hand."

            Kaoru glanced down out the fillet knife. Out of context, it was rather evil-looking. "Noted. Sorry," she said, and hid it behind her back.

            "That's not really any better," Saki pointed out.

            "Saki, she's trying," said Mai.

            "I know, I know, I'm just trying to help too!" She sniffed the air. "Wow, you weren't just being polite — that _does_ smell great! I don't suppose there's room at the table for four?"

            "Saki," said Mai, laughing, "it's _also_ generally not a good idea to invite yourself in to other people's homes."

            "Is that Saki's voice I hear?" Michiru called out from the kitchen. "Kaoru, invite her to come in! Tell her there's curry!"

            "Come in; there's curry," Kaoru repeated dutifully to Saki.

            "All right!" Saki exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air, and rushed past Kaoru into the kitchen.

            "Sorry about that," Mai said, smiling and scratching her neck.

            "About what?" Kaoru asked.

            "About— well, if you don't mind, then nothing, I guess!" Her smile brightened. "Here, just a moment." She unslung her schoolbag, opened it, pulled out a stack of a half-dozen large books, and held them out to Kaoru. "This is why we really came out here. I started wondering whether part of your problem with drawing might be that focusing as hard as you do on making everything look realistic— Which you're already getting unbelievably good at, by the way! This is the opposite of the advice I would typically give to beginners, but you're kind of the opposite of a typical beginner. Anyway, I think that focus might actually be getting in the way of you finding your 'voice' as an artist. So, here are some of my books on how to draw in a more stylized way, as well as some art histories of schools of painting other than realism. You can keep them as long as you need to, and just return them to me whenever you're done. I hope you'll be able to find some inspiration from them!"

            "Thank you," Kaoru said earnestly, taking the books from her and balancing them on the palm of her free hand. Mai looked at her a little oddly as she did that, but quickly shrugged it off. "I never expected to hear back from you about this so soon. Were you thinking about me all afternoon?"

            "Well..." Mai turned her face down, but her eyes still peered up at Kaoru. It was a strange gesture, but very cute. "Yes. I guess I was."

            "I should really get back and finish cutting the fish," Kaoru told her. "Feel free to join us for dinner." She turned and headed back to the kitchen, setting the books down on the coffee table along the way. Mai followed close behind her.

            Dinner that night turned out to be a much noisier affair than was usual at the Kiryuu residence, with Saki loudly appreciating every bite of her curry, and Michiru graciously and effusively thanking her for every compliment. A few times Kaoru tried to exchange exasperated glances with Mai, but every time she looked over at her, Mai just appeared vaguely worried.

            There wasn't much Kaoru wouldn't give to be able to make something that could bring a smile to her face the way Michiru's cooking brought a smile to Saki's.

—

            The next art club meeting was a free draw, which Kaoru spent pouring over one of the books Mai had loaned her and using what she gleaned from it to draw some sketches of Saki, Mai, and Minori in a more cartoony style than she had attempted before. The results were an improvement on her zombie sketch of Amami, but she was still far from satisfied with them.

            At the end of the meeting, Mai announced the first painting showcase contest of the year. "This time, the theme is very simple," she said. "When I was asked to suggest one, I thought back to some advice a good friend once gave me when I was struggling to find inspiration: draw what makes you happy. So for the showcase, everyone please paint what makes you happy, and through your paintings share that happiness with your audience."

            _What can I paint that makes me happy?_ Kaoru wondered. Her first thought, of course, was Minori, but given her record so far, trying to paint a human subject for this contest seemed like a bad idea. The Sky Tree made her happy, and it certainly wasn't human, but trying to capture the essence of a subject with so much spiritual significance also seemed a bit overly ambitious at this point. Moop and Foop? No, Mai probably wouldn't appreciate her showing off a painting of their fairy companions to all of their classmates. Hydrangeas? That might work, but she wasn't so instantly enthusiastic about the idea that she didn't want to try to come up with some other possibilities first.

            When she got home, Kaoru decided to look to Mai's art history books for inspiration. The first one she happened to lay her hand on was titled _Impressionism, Neo-Impressionism, and Post-Impressionism in the Nineteenth and Early Twentieth Centuries,_ and she decided she might as well start there as anywhere. Scanning quickly over the introduction, she soon noticed the repeated mention of the name Monet in connection with masterworks of nature painting. Since she was particularly interested in nature painting, she checked the table of contents and flipped to the section on him.

            The paintings she saw reproduced on the first two pages alone were almost shocking in their beauty. Fields of shapeless but shining irises, lively cascades of wisteria, windswept agapanthus that seemed to swirl and sway as she looked at it — Kaoru could almost see the magic of the spirits sparkling in the ink with which the images were printed. On the next pages were a series of paintings of a place called Vetheuil, a little hamlet on the water, in the lights of different seasons and times of day. The one that struck Kaoru most was titled _Vetheuil Afternoon_ ; in it, the river that took up most of the bottom half of the canvas was such an intense and intricately faceted blue that it appeared almost iridescent. _This is the effect I want to create when I paint the Fountain of the Sky someday_ , Kaoru realized, and resolved then and there that she would not stop working to improve until she was a skilled enough painter to do just that. For now, maybe she could try painting the hydrangea field in this style. Some of Monet's paintings included his family walking through his garden — maybe she could ask Minori to come with her and pose among the flowers. If it wasn't a detailed portrait of her, that might turn out all right.

            After looking through the Monet section, Kaoru flipped back to the section before it, which was about someone named Degas. Degas, it seemed, was a big fan of ballet, and most of his art depicted dancers. None of his work struck her immediately the way Monet's had, but when she looked a bit more closely at it, she slowly began to see what was so impressive about at least some of his paintings. Her favorite, called _Ballet Rehearsal_ , featured a girl in a white tulle dress dancing en pointe in what might have been either a garden at night or a partially-lit stage with a green backdrop — either way, the painting was too dark to really discern the setting. Her face was indistinct, but every curve of her soft-skinned arms and legs was clearly discernible, and Kaoru could vividly picture the motion of her teetering on the tips of her feet. Her right arm was held swept up above her head, and a curved swath of greenery in the background directly beneath it created the impression of wingedness.  

            It reminded Kaoru of something.

            When she closed her eyes, she could see it: a memory of a memory, the image of a lilac-haired girl clothed in cream and periwinkle and pale pink, wavering and indistinct as though viewed through water. And that was almost the literal truth, Kaoru realized: in this memory, she herself was immersed in water cold and still as death, and she was looking up to the surface not with her eyes — which were shut — but with her mind and heart. That image was with her the whole time she lay trapped there, flickering and bright like a candle lighting her way back to the world of the living, dissuading her from sinking any deeper into sleep.

            _Paint what makes you happy_ , Mai had said. In that moment, Kaoru knew exactly what happiness looked like to her.

—

            The showcase gallery was crowded, but at least it wasn't loud. Unsure what to do with herself, Kaoru stood beside her entry and did her best to greet her classmates appropriately as they passed by.

            "I really like your painting, Kaoru-san. It reminds me a little of Degas."

            "Thank you, Fumie-san. His work was one of my inspirations. Your kittens are also very cute."

            "Kaoru-san! Is magical girl anime what makes you happy too? The girl in your painting looks so cool! Did you design her yourself?"

            "Thank you, Hatsue-san, but the thing that makes me happy is Mai. To me, she is a superhero."

            "Aw!" said Hatsue. "You two are so cute together!" Then she was gone before Kaoru could ask what she meant by that.

            "Nice job, Kaoru-san. Your dancer doesn't look like a zombie at all!"

            "Thank you, Amami, though that's probably mostly because I didn't even try to detail her face. Congratulations on your _Tea Party in the Rose Garden_ winning the grand prize."

            "Kaoru-san..." Mai approached her slowly, staring the whole time at the painting of herself twirling through the air on a gust of silvery-blue magic. She didn't say anything else for a while, so Kaoru decided to try talking first.

            "Congratulations on taking second place," she said. "I was thinking about painting the Sky Tree too, but I'm sure I wouldn't have captured it as beautifully as you did — and I might not have thought to paint the four of us pressed up against it, either."

            "Thank you, Kaoru-san." She continued staring, with a pensive expression on her face.

            Kaoru was starting to get worried. Did she not like it? Why wouldn't she like it? "You aren't mad about me painting Cure Egret, are you? No one thinks it's a literal representation of you. I've been saying, 'Mai is a superhero to me.'"

            "So I've heard," Mai said, smiling at last. "It's a really lovely painting, Kaoru-san. Only... the feeling behind it..."

            Kaoru felt her heart plummet. "What about the feeling?"

            Mai shook her head. "No, never mind. I shouldn't say it."

            "Yes, you should," Kaoru insisted, probably too loudly.

            "No, really, it's nothing. I'm just imagining things."

            "Mai," Kaoru said, forcing herself to speak calmly and slowly, "this painting is very important to me. Your opinion of it is very important to me. You can't just not tell me what you see in it."

            "Well..." Mai looked around her at the students and spectators passing by. "All right, but can we talk about it later, somewhere private? It's nothing bad, I promise — it really is a beautiful painting, and I'm so happy that someone made such a beautiful painting of _me_."

            "If you insist," said Kaoru. She felt relieved, but more curious than ever, and wasn't any happier about waiting to satisfy her curiosity than she had been about waiting to soothe her anxiousness. "Should we meet by the Sky Tree this evening? If you want to talk somewhere private, I assume you'd prefer not to have either of our families around."

            Mai nodded. "That works. I'll see you then, Kaoru-san. And congratulations on your first painting showcase. I knew you would come up with something wonderful for it." Then she moved on to talk to the other students in the club, leaving Kaoru to wonder what in the world all that was about.

—

            "What did you see in my painting?" Kaoru asked immediately when Mai arrived at the Sky Tree. The sun was setting, casting the scenery in colors starker and redder than the airy greens and yellows in Mai's award-winning painting. It made Kaoru think of the Vetheuil series, and she made a mental note to try painting nature scenes around Yuunagi at different times of day.

            "Um," said Mai. "Good evening, Kaoru-san."

            "Good evening," Kaoru amended. "What did you see in my painting?"

            "Well..." said Mai, glancing away as she spoke, "It almost seemed like... the same feeling as in my art of Saki."

            "You mean friendship?" Kaoru asked, baffled. "Is that all?"

            "No, that's not all." Mai sighed. "Kaoru-san, that day I asked you to let me be alone with Saki — that was the day I confessed to her."

            "Confessed what?"

            "That I love her."

            "Is that different from friendship?"

            Mai nodded. "It's similar in some ways, but when you love someone... well, for example, you want to kiss them, and to hold them close."

            Kaoru thought that over. She knew a little bit about kissing. She'd seen it in art and on television. It seemed like it might be a nice thing to do with Mai, and holding her close would definitely be nice. "What did Saki say?" she asked.

            "That she was flattered, but she doesn't like girls like that." Mai smiled the kind of smile that meant she was trying very hard at it. "It hasn't affected our friendship, though. Things are the same as ever between us, so it's fine."

            "But didn't you confess to her because you wanted things between you to change?" Kaoru asked.

            "Yes, but I knew that was a long shot," Mai explained. "Trust me, if Saki were a different kind of person, it could have gone a lot worse. Not everyone is comfortable around girls who like other girls."

            "That's stupid," said Kaoru. "And it's stupid that Saki doesn't like you just because you're a girl."

            "No, it isn't!" Mai said quickly. "Well, I mean, the first thing is kind of stupid, yes. But it's normal to like only boys or only girls. I don't like boys, myself."

            "How would you feel about someone who wasn't a boy or a girl?" Kaoru asked.

            Mai blinked. "What do you mean?"

            "I don't think _I'm_ entirely a girl."

            "Don't say that, Kaoru-san," Mai told her. "Was someone making fun of your height? Don't listen to people like that. I think you're very feminine in a lot of ways."

            "Yes, I am feminine," Kaoru agreed. "But that isn't what I mean. Michiru is really enthusiastic about being a girl. I don't feel like that. Amami says that your gender is one of the most important parts of your identity. I don't feel like that either. If it's possible, I'd like to just be a person."

            "Wait, you really are asking me whether I like..?" Mai stopped and thought for a moment. "Well, I'm not sure I understand completely just yet, but 'just being a person' doesn't sound like too much to ask for. And... whether you're a girl or not, I do like you, Kaoru. I think I like you a lot." She went up on her tiptoes, like one of Degas' dancers, and pressed a quick kiss to Kaoru's mouth. It was soft and warm and, indeed, very nice.

            Kaoru wrapped her arms around Mai and pulled their bodies together, resting her chin on top of the shorter girl's head. "Is this what you meant by holding someone close?"

            "Yes, it is." Mai turned the side of her head against Kaoru's chest. "I can hear your heart fluttering, Kaoru," she teased.

            "And I can feel you hair fluttering in the breeze." Kaoru closed her eyes and let herself soak the feeling up. "It's nice."

            "Yes, it is."

            The two of them stood like that until the sun set, and the stars came out, and the world became painted in blue and lilac.


End file.
